Rejection Letter

Officially Crushing Your Literary Dreams

Dear Sylvie,

We regret to inform you that your poems… are catastrophic. You seem to think you’re really clever, but frankly, this is just a series of literary trainwrecks. You are no Dorothea Lasky, no Anne Sexton, no Eve Babitz.

Frankly, you’re like a Bukowski who gave up halfway through the first beer. Maybe you need more Pabst Blue Ribbon—or less ambition.

Please, for the love of all that is poetic, stop submitting to our publication. We only feature writers who don’t make us question our life choices while reading.

You earn a B for effort, a solid participation ribbon in the Olympics of mediocrity.

We strongly suggest a more achievable hobby: Pilates, interpretive knitting, or ant farming.

Sincerely,

The Editors