Ode to LA: Outtakes

Three Glimpses of the City That Never Quite Behaves

I have a folder called Weak Poems.
My chapbook said no.
The trash said yes.

But they are not awful.
Adult content ahead!

---

Bed, Bath & Beyond

He wants to stack his girls
into a F$^# sandwich—

at least two,
ideally three,
on top of each other,
ready for assault,
tied tight
with shiny ropes.

On my cocktail napkin
he doodles the scene
to show me
how it’s done.

I ask,
What do you want from life?

He says:
I want to shop
at Bed, Bath & Beyond
with you.

---

Two Little Bitches

You laugh
when your lapdog humps my leg.
You are both in heat, you say—
two little bitches.

I get up from bed
to meet you standing there.

I am so tall,
I could spit on your head,
 crush your house
  with the flicker
   of an eyelash.

Taller yet—
I can see your drum set
from space

You go hmm and kiss me,
while I wonder how to shrink back
to something you can manage.

---

Up, Up, and Away

Your Diet Coke tears,
Joe Rogan small-dick energy,
Paulo Coelho memes.

You talk
and talk.

I ponder
 three flawless olives
 in my filthy martini.

What was that?
Come again?

I sip—
try not to choke—
measure the distance
between your gibberish
and the time left
to drop you at LAX.